


his sanctuary

by stellarshocks (cherrySprinkles)



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Brief mention of depression, Childhood, Family Feels, Gen, Snapshots, brief mention of insomnia, kind of angst, stops pre-game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7829320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrySprinkles/pseuds/stellarshocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for she sees colour where it has long faded and light where the night is still dark. <br/>she is his sanctuary from the truth.</p>
<p>Leo remembers the North.</p>
            </blockquote>





	his sanctuary

The library of the Northern Fortress is humble, to say the least. If he compares it to the seemingly endless rooms filled to the ceiling with fully stocked shelves, the small chamber here seems shabby. There's one big advantage, however. The windows here are big, making it a bright shabby room. It's bad for the books, he knows, but there's something very relaxing about being able to read with natural daylight and not having to squint in torchlight to be able to decipher a sentence.

Most of the time spent here in the North he dedicates to the library, even if at age ten, he has long read all of the books here. Sometimes, if they have the concentration to sit still and read, Kamui joins him. They push two plush chairs together so they can sit huddled by the table, right next to the big window with the magnificent view of the Northern mountain range and they lose themselves in foreign worlds.

Sometimes, Kamui brings him books about architecture, about the geography of Nohr and historical figures and while he reads aloud, his voice as solemn as he can manage, she gets paper and a quill and draw. Often, the outcome is not at all how it really looks out there, but it's fine. How should she know anyway? She often complains about wanting to see more than just the glimpses of town and woodlands she can catch from the windows and he understands the sentiment.

Certainly, he'd have died from boredom if he had to live her life. Even Gunter's attempts at making her training in swordplay and warfare more diverse can't do much to change that. Maybe that's why he started bringing illustrated books even when he favours his literature without pictures. Sometimes, the two of them spend hours after dinner in his room he has here, underneath a warm blanket looking at the old, worn pages until they fall asleep, cheek to cheek, unfinished sentences on the tip of their tongue. They talk about the places they'd see together, the things they'd do and occasionally, Kamui adds that Silas certainly would like that too.

Leo only knows Viscount Lindberg's son fleetingly, from the few hours they've spent together at dinner. Silas reminds him a bit of Xander if Xander weren't Crown Prince. The Xander of five years ago, the Xander who would play hide and seek with him and teach him how to use a sword. They both have that strong sense of duty and honour and from what Kamui tells him, Leo probably would love to shove him. It's a silly notion, completely motivated by jealousy he refuses to acknowledge. 

 

“Why would you take Silas along anyway?” He huffs as she mentions him this time, talking about how he promised to take her to see a street festival. “I'd be there with you!”  
Kamui seems surprised about his temperamental outburst, tilting her head in that strange way birds do. It's unsettling on birds and it should be unsettling on her too, but he still wants to reach over and pet her hair to see if it feels just like feathers (it's a stupid thought; hair obviously isn't feathers).  
“Because Silas is my friend! Isn't it natural for me to want to have you and him along?”  
And that's it. He can't really protest, not after her stating so obviously that she wants him there too. Puffing up his cheeks he returns his gaze to the book. It's unsightly for a prince to be jealous of a simple Viscount's son anyway. Kamui nudges his shoulder gently with hers.  
“Don't be angry, Leo. Please, I love you!”  
She must have picked that up from Camilla who likes to use the words with an inflationary tendency around her, Leo, Xander and their youngest sister Elise, who is barely five. He still feels his cheeks heat up.  
“Don't toss these words around so carelessly,” he chastises her grumpily and even not looking at her, he knows what her expression must look like: wide-eyed, slow, punctuated blinking, slightly parted lips. “Mother told me that you're only meant to say that to people you really care about,” he explains after a moment. This time, he looks up to witness her confusion.

“But I do really care about you.”

 

 

They're fourteen and fifteen and wherever Silas has gone, she doesn't seem to remember. Now, whenever they visit the Northern Fortress, Kamui's time is taken up by combat lessons with Xander and hours spent mulling over books on etiquette with Camilla. If she has any spare time left, she certainly doesn't visit Leo to read or draw. They meet for breakfast and dinner and the occasional quick chat in the hallways. Sometimes she brings him tea and a piece of French toast on the days he wakes up too early and holes himself up in the library in the desperate attempt to tire himself out enough to sleep more than the hour he managed to close his eyes.

The safety of the Northern Fortress is foreign to him still, even now, after the fighting at court has ended. Sometimes he still wonders whether his father placed Kamui here and never allowed her to leave for her own protection. All of his concubines had spymasters and it would have been easy to send another one of the King's bastards along to visit the hidden princess under a friendly guise. Would have; now it was just the four of them anyway. 

Leo doesn't remember all of his siblings; Camilla sometimes talks about the ones who came before he did — Richard, Luise, Simon and Christoph. He knows their names, has seen faces of them, but the only one he has a vague recollection is Christoph, who was only two years older than himself. Christoph who was gentle and slow and disappeared overnight. No one knows what happened to him to this day, the official version being that he wandered beyond the confines of the castle garden, where he liked to watch the birds. Less friendly tongues speak of Lady Astrid, Camilla's mother, having orchestrated an assassination. Leo is inclined to believe the latter.  
There were Ludwig and Judith who were both born in the same year as he was, and Hilda who died along with her mother in her childbed. Ludwig he killed himself, Judith died by the hand of one of his sisters; he can't remember which one. There was Princess Azura who came to court and stayed for a year before disappearing without a trace. He never spoke much to her to begin with and no one would tell him what exactly had transpired, so the memory of her faded slowly, just as the faces of his brothers and sisters claimed by Lady Death.  
Elise was the last, marking the end to a long, bloody row of children at court. Elise brought figurative sunlight to court and the last smile Leo can remember on his father's face.

Now it's just Xander, Camilla, Leo, Elise and Kamui. 

The one thing he still cannot understand, even after so many years, is why only Kamui would receive the luxury of such protection. Is she worth more than the crown prince himself, for her to be locked far away from any chance of finding death at the hand of one of Garon's concubines? And is her life worth risking her happiness and health? He knows she's prone to illness, never being properly exposed to any hardships the nature has to offer. Winters in the fortress are cold, but still only a poor imitation of the icy blast of the winds around Mittwinter and he has already been witness to many a time she left her window open for too long, putting her in bed for the rest of his visit. 

And then there is the dreadful feeling of being abandoned and lonely she only tells him about. Xander knows she wants to leave, Camilla and Elise want her to come with them each time they part back on their way to the capital. But only Leo knows about the sadness in her heart, eating at her mind and rendering her unable to be satisfied with the love the castle staff seems to have in abundance for her. “It's not like I don't appreciate them too,” she told him once in a guilty whisper. “I really do. Still, when it hits me that I'm locked in here, all I want to do is cry and cry until I dry up and disappear.”  
“You better not. Just imagine the racket Elise would make if you weren't around anymore.” Leo was unsure about how to answer, picking too harsh a tone. He knew he'd placed a wrong step when she flinched, taking a step away from her. He was surprised it felt like a dagger being pushed through his heart. Maybe that was when she'd started to withdraw from him.

 

The day she they arrive at the capital as a whole he has to urge her on every few steps. They traveled by tunnels for the vast majority of the journey; only madmen and ignorant rich foreigners chose to face bands of raiders and Nohr's brutal storms by traveling above ground. But when they emerge near Windmire on the King's Road, it's like someone has lit a fire behind Kamui's eyes.

Elise chatters happily as they ride on, a small group of soldiers coming to meet their small convoy by the city gates. Leo listens in pretended disinterest, chiming in here and there to correct his youngest sister, but the truth is that he's captivated by the expression of sheer wonder on Kamui's face. It reminds him of days spent in a tiny, dusty library by the window, watching her dream of the world. He can't see the beauty she sees in the run-down, poor outer districts of the city and the pomp of the rich quarters by the castle disgust him — they're tasteless to him and if Niles' tales of the houses of the wealthy are anything to go by, so are the people inhabiting them.

But to her, the world is new and bright, even when the only light they have comes from lightning flickering along the clouds above.  
And once again Leo swears to himself that he will protect her; no matter whether she's older or stronger or more proficient with a sword. 

For if she still sees beauty in the ruins of this kingdom, it's a light worth protecting.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of supposed to hint at Leo/F!Kamui but mostly just loosely related scenes portraying them when they were younger. Also tidbits of headcanons for Garon’s other children you never meet in the games. Leo knows all of their names and ages because of course he would.
> 
> The age timeline in the game is wonky as it is, but I work with the assumption that Xander is a fair bit older than the rest, making him 29 by the beginning of the game. Camilla is 24, Leo 20 and Elise 15; Kamui is a year older than Leo.
> 
> Feel free to come hang out with me at [drxgon-child](http://drxgon-child.tumblr.com) on tumblr!


End file.
